This painting was created during a time of great physical and emotional duress.
I can say this painting is actually a prayer.
I was recovering from a total knee replacement, in 2015, and experienced extremely painful complications. I can honestly say that after giving birth five times, having major spine surgery and multiple other types of surgery, the knee replacement was the toughest physical challenge I had ever met.
Adding to the trauma of surgery was a military style physical therapist who became a huge thorn in my flesh. He seemed to delight in my anguish and showed no mercy.
My leg would not bend to the degree acceptable, according to the therapist or my surgeon, in spite of the therapist forcing it to bend as I begged him to stop.
He would say things like "If you don't get range of motion, now, it will be too late."
I would go home in pain and exhaustion and cry. The lies almost took hold.
This occurred for many days in succession. I began to dread physical therapy and his evil prognostications.
I felt like an utter failure, exhausting my husband with my basic physical needs for food and comfort, and emotional instabilities.
In spite of it all, he cared for me with the utmost kindness and patience. He reflected Jesus to me.
One day I woke up and decided I wasn't going to have another day like that.
I cancelled my physical therapy.
Somehow I managed to get myself over to my art table.
I put on some worship music, grabbed a canvas and paint and began to paint my prayer to the Lord.
He met me there and we had a sweet time of fellowship.
I found strength to see beauty in the circumstance.
I found strength to defy pain and hopelessness and PTSD.
I recalled the Scripture where the Apostle Paul said
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
I was very weak and Christ was showing Himself to be very strong in me.
The strength manifested in defiance, a daring or bold resistance and disregard to an opposing force, a challenge to meet in combat.
I was at war. In that moment, I knew I would prevail.
The next day, my knee was still refusing to cooperate and I saw my surgeon for a consult.
He was not happy with my range of motion and rather flippantly said I would need another procedure called a manipulation under anesthesia "MUA".
He said, "We will put you to sleep and I will force your knee to bend,which will break up the scar tissue causing this problem. There are some risks, for example, your femur could snap, but that is rare. I had someone cancel tomorrow morning, would you like that appointment so you can get this and the extra six weeks of physical therapy out of the way before Christmas?"
I'm pretty sure all of the color had left my face.
Before I could answer he said "See the scheduler on your way out and I will see you in the morning." And then he left the room.
With the help of my cane, I walked past the scheduler and right out of the door.
My gut (The Holy Spirit) said "No. Do not have that procedure."
So, I didn't.
I am happy to report God healed my knee as well as my hopelessness. My knee has wonderful range of motion and I never had to go through that horrible procedure or endure another six weeks of the "torture chamber."
Defiance. It's a beautiful thing!